PRESS

SETTING THE TONE FOR "THAT" CONVERSATION
by Gary J. Bell, MSW, LSW

Reprinted from the publication "For You" Summer 2000 issue

For most of us talking about our sexual history is uncomfortable to say the least. But in order to protect your health, your partner, your relationship and yes -- even your life-- it's a conversation that couples who are planning to be sexually active must have. Without question. Here are a few hints to set the mood for that very crucial conversation.

Don't ambush your mate or pull any surprise attacks. Tell your partner that you're interested in discussing it and make time to talk in more detail at a later date.

Do a little homework. Pick up a pamphlet on Sexually Transmitted Disease (STDs). Have an STD screening yourself before the conversation. If it turns out that your partner has had an STDs, knowing a little something about them can be helpful.

Set the mood. Pop popcorn, put on some Luther, do something to keep the mood light and non-adversarial. Try to have the conversation in a safe, neutral place.

When the time comes, initiate the discussion. Sharing some of your own background first may encourage your mate to be more open.

Don't play 20 questions. The conversation will end quickly if you jump on your mate with a bunch of specific questions about who, what, when and where.

Last, but not least, be positive. Don't approach the conversation like it's the end of the world. Express your commitment to the relationship and making it work.

Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) have often been referred to as the Hidden Epidemic by the US Department of Public Health, Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). However it is difficult to measure the impact of STDs for several reasons.

First, only three STDs (Syphilis, Chlamydia and Gonorrhea) are nationally mandated to be reported by health care providers. HIV/AIDS is reported in a separate process.

Second, many STDs are asymptomatic, i.e. have no noticeable symptoms (Kaiser Foundation). Consequently many people may not feel a need to undergo STD screening. Another major reason for the difficulty in establishing an accurate account of the number of people infected with STDs has to do with the stigma associated with them. Due to the disparaging implications that they evoke, i.e. that one may be "out there", it seldom comes up in patient-physician conversation. However, the most widely quoted estimated -- 12 million annual new STD infections -- was published by the CDC back in 1988. This report updates that estimate. A panel of experts by the American Social Health Association (ASHA) for the Kaiser Family Foundation calculates that the actual number of new cases of STDs is approximately 15 million annually.

Sexually transmitted diseases have a significant impact on the health and economics of the country. As it has been mentioned, many do not have recognizable symptoms, if they manifest any symptoms at all. While some STDs are incurable, many have successful, inexpensive treatment programs. Therefore, before you seal the deal, have "that:" conversation with your mate about your sexual health and go, together or alone, for an STD screening. Do it for yourself, your mate and for your family.